He did it for Show...

He got me in a daze
Feelings I thought I could never crave
His lips touch mine softly
Puts me in a coma for days
His fatal attraction
Could make the oceans and sea's lover's curse have a reverse reaction
His body next to mine
So perfectly intertwined
Makes my heart skip a beat and puts me on cloud 9
Bodies paint a vivid picture
Makes a Monet look like a thin line
Untouchable connection
Mind, body and soul have an immaculate association
Never understanding how and why this has come to happen
Wont ponder too much on it, want this to be everlastin'
Holding me
Loving me
Never letting go
Don't interrupt our tempo
Don't ruin our flow
But Curiosity kills me and I just have to know
Are your feelings the same?
Real?
Or are they just for show?

Sticks and Stones May break my Bones, But Words Will never hurt me!?!?!? {My ass}

He always spoke to me so softly and sweetly...
He said he'd never hurt me...
He gave me his word...
I believed him...
I let him in...
I let my guard down for the first time in a long time...
Never let your guard down.
And he hurt me.
Intentionally or Unintentionally, It hurt like crap...
My heart skipped more than a beat, it took a pause...
Suddenly, everything started to hurt:
My head...
My stomach...
My eyes...
My body shivered, and I felt cold.
Not the Kind Of Cold you feel when the window is open,
but the kind Of Cold you feel when your body is about to shut down.
My hands shook.
I cried.
I never cry.
Not over something as simple as words. A fragment. especially from a guy.
That's not like me.
It was a pain I have never felt before.
But I didn't stop crying, and I couldn't control it. Couldn't stop.
I held myself and cried myself to sleep...
He has no idea what he has done to me...
But I'm a fast healer...
and a good actor.

Happiness (un)Defined

I so much wish to understand happiness
The risks that come with it
The confused worry it brings
The uncertain fear of its departure
The mess it leaves behind
The temporary nature of it
The joy it creates in abundance
The love it makes me feel for myself...

Beautiful Nightmare

Last night I had a dream....
I was married. But I was happy.
Happier than I have ever seen myself.
I looked as if I were at peace.
I felt it.
But my husband had to leave because of his job.
I hated when he had to go.
I worried a lot.
His job wasn't the safest thing in the world.
We said our goodbyes and our I love you's.
Didn't know that it would be our last.
I watched myself suffer like I have never before...



This video pretty much explains my dream...... minus the kidd.
(Watch video before you continue reading... its best if you do)

(http://vimeo.com/12114048)

Funny thing: had this dream before I saw the video... lol

Background: I'm an army brat. My father was in the military for 20 years. Out of those 20 years, I could count on my fingers how many times I've seen him. He missed the father's days, the father- daughter dances, the pep- talks, and all that jazz. He missed the most significant parts of my life. The parts that have already sculpted me into who I am today. My mother struggled and raised me all on her own. He wasn't a dead beat dad. Its just he wasn't there when I needed him most. I told myself I would never e with a man who was in the military. I don't want to go through the pain, and stress, and worry and struggle my mother went through. I'm actually scared of it. Many guys have tried to pursue a relationship with me that were in the military, but I turned them down.

Conclusion: I think this dream was a message. I shouldn't run away from my fears. No matter the consequences. Because if it means me going through the stress, and worry, and pain, to be with that significant other, Ill do whatever it takes, and Put up with it all. It'll be worth it in the long run.